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NAME: Marie Josée, Quebec City, Quebec, Can.
One summer when I was younger, my family (father, mother, and sister) were in the basement going through some old clothes and throwing some out. My father asked me to go upstairs and get some green ties. Without asking any questions, I immediately went to his closet and started picking out all the green ties I saw. I was wondering why he had asked me to do this, since he didn't have all that many green ties, but I wanted to do a good job, so I even picked out the ties that only had a bit of green in them. After a few minutes of picking ties, I rushed back downstairs. He looked up from the cleaning and said "What were you doing in our room?", so I handed the pile of ties over to him. That's when he started laughing, and my mother and sister joined in. I couldn't figure out why, until my father told me that he had wanted green TWIST TIES to put on the garbage bags of clothing, not his own ties. I have yet to live this down this unfortunate misunderstanding, and my father still doesn't believe I actually like his green ties.
NAME: Ari Moreno, New Hampshire
My boyfriend was sopposed to take me out for our anniversary and when the night finally came he said to me that he had no more money, and couldn't take me out to dinner. Later that week he shows up with new rims on his tires. These are $60 rims (each). I ask him where he got money. His excuse "Honey I uhh, I returned something and they wouldn't give me my money. They gave me a store credit. Yeah that's it, a store credit that I used to buy the rims. Typical guy lie!
NAME: E. Neal Blue, Ohio
Several years ago while I was at Purdue, I was taking a plant pathology lab. Every Friday the lab had to be completed One Friday I missed the lab because I had been hung over from a party the night before. A missed lab would result in an F for the lab assignment in question. I had to come up with an excuse or my grade was going to slide down into the C range. I went to the professor of the course and told him I was kidnapped by my fraternity pledge class on Friday morning. The kidnapping took me by surprise and therefore was beyond my control. The professor actually fell for my excuse much to my surprise. I got to make up the lab! Turns out that the professor himself in his college days was a fraternity active who was kidnapped by the pledge class. I got a B in the plant pathology class.

NAME: Gloria, Indiana USA
My EX explained that he had not come to our daughter's engagement party because: As I drove down a side street, my car caught fire. The only thing I had was the grape juice I was drinking. So I poured the grape juice on the engine and the fire went out. The engine was still running so I went home. (That car continued to be usable for at least 6 months without any repairs!!!) SURE, I BELIEVE IT.

NAME: Molly, York, Maine
I told my teacher one day as a joke that I had to save a group of girl scouts from a burning cookie factory, and that was why I was late for school. Apparently, that same day a cookie factory caught on fire and two girls my age saved a group of girl scouts that were touring the factory! My teacher actually thought that I was one of the brave people that saved that group of girls, and gave me a metal for my "Brave Accomplishments!" Boy, was I embarrassed!!

NAME: Isabel, Ontario, Can.
Sorry I'm late. I parked my Toyota, went into the meeting, when it was finished, came out and drove away. Fifteen minutes later I got stopped by the cops and hauled into the station for car theft. It seems someone else had the same colored car parked two spots away, and my key fit, so I didn't notice. Although I did think it smelled different... And I can't actually remember it being so clean. Oh well...

NAME: Mel, BC, Can.
Everyone says networking is the way to find a place for your training, so when my mother invited me to a political party gathering with the Premier, I took my newly minted Journalism degree and walked through the front door. I should have remembered something about my mother. She has no tact. After an informal question and answer session, where I made a good impression with articulate and well timed comments, and after the coffee was served, and I'd sidled my way up to the Party president, my mother rushed up beside me and introduced me to him by saying: "This is my daughter Melanie. She just got her Journalism degree but nobody will hire her because of...." and proceeded to recite every employer-horror story (and yes, employee-revenge story) I'd ever foolishly told her. As I crawled away in utter humiliation, I learned that Networking isn't helpful if there's interference in your connection.

NAME: Mel, BC, Can.
(True) I'll be late this morning because... My next door neighbor's estranged husband (they've been separated for 21 years) came over to her place and started waving a knife around and at 5:45, the rest of the family ran to my house because they saw the lights on since I was getting up and I had to administer first-aid to the eldest son who almost got his big toe cut off when he got the knife out of his father's hand and stepped on it to keep it away from him. And then we called the police and had to wait to make a statement, but the younger son and his girlfriend ran away when the police came and so the questioning was delayed. Then I found out they'd left a baby sleeping next door and the eldest son asked me to come over there with him to grab the baby while he wrestled with his father again if he was still there but he was passed out and bleeding and the ambulance had already left for the toe problem so I did first till another one got here. I'll be in soon. By the way, I had never met my neighbors before.

NAME: Mark M.M. Michell, Florida, USA
While visiting the island of Corfu, a few friends and I were having some rum & cokes at a beach bar. As I was on the elevated porch checking out the sea at sunset, a dubious character approached the beach access stairs -brandishing a shotgun. I thought it highly irregular that the undercover police would hold a SWAT drill on such a lovely evening (and of course I was right). SO... the swarthy man made eye contact with me and stated (in his finest English) "Touristas?" -to which I replied "What?". He then reasserted himself with "Touristas Go!" (as he motioned the muzzle of the gun toward the main lounge -and main exit). This newer phrase was as clear as his psychosis, and I decided it best to precede him to the exit. As I entered the main lounge, I stated (very matter-of-factly) in a nice clear voice "Hey. There's a guy on the porch with a gun and he wants all the touristas to get out." Luckily my calculation of tone and timbre had the effect I desired -to eliminate the panic mode of the English and American tourists, but what I hadn't counted on (as I walked behind the orderly exodus) was that Socrates' nephew would decide we were leaving a bit too slowly for his liking and empty a few cartridges to vent his opinion. This apparently appeased him (or he had to reload), as the throng of folks before me became somewhat disorderly -dropping drinks and knocking over some chairs. I was sorta anxious to put some distance between he and I, but was not going to step on someone else to do it. One of his blasts destroyed an ice bucket and the bar mirror (which is when I felt a few particles strike my back). Well, I made it outside and checked my back for leaks -with only traces of ice particles stuck to my shirt. I guess my biggest impetus for the orderly retreat was not out of concern for my well-being, but at about $5.00 for a damn rum and coke, I was not going to spill a drop.
NAME: Biggles
I'm sorry I'm late home going to believe what happened ... Apparently there is still a farmer who has a farm inside the city limits, and one of his cows had a calf last week by ceaerian section. Unfortunately, it seems that the cow was stretching across a fence to reach some tasty grass when it tore open the wound on the barbed wire. The pain drove it a little crazy and it leapt over the fence and ran wild down the streets into the city. The local police chased it but were unable to stop it. After a couple of traffic accidents caused by the cow, they decided to try to shoot it right there in the street, but their little pistols didn't have much effect - the cow just got madder! Finally, with the cow tiring, they chased it into a car park but didn't know what to do as it was by now seriously injured what with being shot, colliding with cars and having the torn wound. However, shortly afterwards the farmer arrived on his old tractor and, deciding the best was to put the poor beast out of its misery, promptly cut its throat. Pretty gory stuff really, and as it happened by the entrance to the car park, the gate was closed until the farmer could clear things away. Now, it happens that the car park was the car park to the building where I work, so you see there was no way I could get my car out. Honest sweetheart, that's just how it happened ;-0

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